4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am midnight drunk by noon
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
