No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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