I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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