Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
