can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to make out with him forever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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