Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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