Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I want is dick and wine.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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