Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
third nipple confirmed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
