Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
