so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
