He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
