woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
