After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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