I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
