his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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