Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
