the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
