Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
