Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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