Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we should paint friendship bongs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
