oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
