Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
