I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
