At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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