Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Damn victory sex feels great
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
