Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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