Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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