What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
