is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
