You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
