I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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