so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
