It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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