You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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