I don't think brook has ever known best
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
