If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
