after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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