My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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