I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
