yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Found the puke drawer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
