Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He felt like a one man threesome
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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