Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
