dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
