It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
