I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
