theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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