so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
zippers are such a cool invention
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
