Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
