last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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