i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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