It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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