You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
