Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to make out with him forever
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
