the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
