so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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