Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
