White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
