I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
