There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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